How do you wrap your mama-heart around the thought of your daughter leaving home for college in Manila, Philippines? From nursery, kinder 1, and kinder 2, to grades 1 through 12—we are talking about 15 wonderful years of preparing her for this season of going to college. "She's finally on her own now and away from your leash" was a joke that somehow felt like reality. But would those 15 years be enough to train her to overcome the challenges of university life, and eventually, the real world for which she was called for a purpose? Yes. You think so.
You will worry and you will be scared naturally, thinking about how she will survive living mostly on her own in the big city. But that is not how you're going to take this season of your life. It's not about worrying or doubting, although you can't deny that this struggle is real. What is this all about, then? This is all about your posture—how you're going to welcome the inevitable reality that she will have to leave and be separate from you. It is the posture of knowing that in your lifetime, there are seasons of togetherness and seasons of separateness.
The season of togetherness is when you have the luxury of time doing life with her while your daughter is still under your guidance. While her heart is still malleable—able to bend and mold—you teach her, you train her, you educate her, you disappoint her with your "nos," and you surprise her with your "yeses." And through this, you hope to teach her that you will not get a "yes" to everything in life. People will disappoint you, and you will disappoint people. We live in a fallen world that is inhabited by fallen people. So, you prepare her for reality—that life is not easy. And yet we are here; surely our Lord has handpicked us for this lifetime of purpose where we ought to thrive and bear fruit. Then you make it stick to her heart—maybe even at times sounding like a broken record—that "the Lord did not create us for us, we are created by Him, for Him."
In the season of togetherness, your daughter gets to have a front-row ticket to watching how you practice what you preach. She observes your every move, your every word, your every rage, your joys, your brokenness, your victories, and your responses. More than the physical books and online courses that you provided for her academic college prep, she gets to see the real deal in real time, day in and day out: your character. That is what truly matters, and that is what will stick for life because this is what she will remember. As for the academic aspect of it—the quizzes, the recitations, the enumerations, the definitions of terms—God only knows how much will be retained. So, in togetherness, you know that you are being watched! You know that teaching, really, is more about what is caught than what is taught.
Oh, the joys of togetherness! You still remember the first day of her ballet class when she wore her ballerina outfit at five years old. Then, after a few months, you decided to quit ballet to move back to the island of Mindoro, to your hometown of Puerto Galera, where the grass is literally greener and the water is blue. You beach-schooled on this paradise island for almost a year until you moved back to homeschool in your hometown of Batangas City. There were those together-moments on your road trips to the South of Luzon, Viajes Del Sol. And yet, you kept going back to the island of Mindoro because you wanted your children to learn how to be awed, and to keep repeating it because joy comes in the repetition of things!
In togetherness, homeschooling became your way of life as you normalized traveling with your kids, a big part of which was required by the nature of your husband's job in the oil and gas industry. In togetherness, traveling helped stimulate growth and adaptability among them. They learned to identify the essentials and what to pack for short and long trips abroad, while being mindful of their food and water consumption. They learned the value of planning ahead to manage their expectations; thus, it cultivated a certain sense of structure and discipline at a young age. Indeed, travel matures people, young and old, allowing them to adapt to different settings and conditions.
Because of this, you never ever stayed in one place long enough to connect permanently with others outside of your immediate family circle. And as they were growing up into their teen years, heated but healthy arguments around the family table seemed to be normalized just as well. You each learned how to respect and value one another's opinions. Therefore, you were drawn together as a tribe, finding comfort and security in the presence of one another. The bond that you formed was deep and meaningful in a truly organic way.
At times in togetherness, you hit a lull—like when your kids would spend hours with their swimming coach learning how to swim. As you sat by the hotel pool drinking your juice, you thought that waiting for your children to finish their swimming routines sometimes felt like it was dumbing you down. You went to university and earned a college degree, but there you were, nannying your own kids! Isn't that a task for unemployed, stay-at-home moms? Oh, these voices inside your head.
You would not allow self-pity to stick for long because you quickly learned the art of encouraging yourself in the Lord and found comfort in His promises from Scripture.
"You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You—in both inclination and character], Because he trusts and takes refuge in You [with hope and confident expectation]." —Isaiah 26:3 (AMP)
With all the complexities and drama that surround motherhood, you realized later on that being a full-time, hands-on mom is a privilege. To whom else would you volunteer to leave an indelible imprint on their hearts but yourself? And while you are in this season, you ought to be intentional about making every moment count with them because this is the best time to sow good seeds into their hearts. That is why you do not delegate motherhood. What a privilege! While the kids are young, you should be their awesome, present mom because life as a whole has fleeting seasons. They change constantly; they do not stay here for long.
