Part 1 The Season of Togetherness
How to wrap around your mama-heart, the thought of your daughter leaving home for college in Manila, Philippines? It's nursery, kinder 1, kinder 2, and then grades 1 to 12, we're talking about 15 wonderful years of preparing her for this season of going to college. 'She's finally on her own now and away from your leashes' was a joke that somehow felt like a reality. But would those 15 years be enough to train her to overcome the challenges of university life and eventually the real life for which she was called for a purpose? Yes. You thought so.
You will worry and you will be scared naturally, thinking about how she will survive mostly living on her own in the big city. But that is not how you're going to take this season in your life. It's not about the worrying or the doubting, although you can't deny that this struggle is real. Now what is this all about, then? This is all about your posture on how you're going to welcome the inevitable, that she will have to leave and be separate from you. The posture of knowing that in your lifetime, there are seasons of togetherness and separateness.
Part 1 The Season of Togetherness
The season of togetherness is when you have all the luxury of time doing life with her while your daughter is still under your reigns. While her heart is still malleable, able to bend and mold, you teach her, you train her, you educate her, you disappoint her with your "no's" and surprise her with your "yeses". And through this you hoped to teach her that not all in life you'd get a "yes". People will disappoint you, and you will disappoint people. We live in a fallen world that is habitated by fallen people. So, you prepare her for reality, that life is not easy. And yet we are here, surely our Lord has handpicked us for this lifetime of purpose where we ought to thrive and bear fruit. Then you make it stick to her heart, and maybe even at times sounding like a broken record 'the Lord did not create us for us, we are created by Him, for Him'.
The season of togetherness is when you have all the luxury of time doing life with her while your daughter is still under your reigns. While her heart is still malleable, able to bend and mold, you teach her, you train her, you educate her, you disappoint her with your "no's" and surprise her with your "yeses". And through this you hoped to teach her that not all in life you'd get a "yes". People will disappoint you, and you will disappoint people. We live in a fallen world that is habitated by fallen people. So, you prepare her for reality, that life is not easy. And yet we are here, surely our Lord has handpicked us for this lifetime of purpose where we ought to thrive and bear fruit. Then you make it stick to her heart, and maybe even at times sounding like a broken record 'the Lord did not create us for us, we are created by Him, for Him'.
In the season of togetherness, your daughter gets to have the front row ticket to watching you how you practice what you preach. She observes your every move, your every word, your every rage, your joys, your brokenness, and your victories and your responses. More than the physical books and online courses that you provided for her to study to teach her the academic side of college preps, she gets to see the real deal and in real time, day-in and day-out. Your character. The one that truly matters, the one that would stick for life because this she will remember, and the academic aspect of it, the quizzes, the recitations, the enumerations, the definitions of terms, God only knows how much will be retained. So, in togetherness, you know that you are being watched! You know that teaching really, is more on what was caught than taught.
Oh, the joys of togetherness! The first day of her ballet class when she wore her ballerina outfit when she was five. Then you decided after a few months to quit ballet to move back to the island of Mindoro in your hometown of Puerto Galera where the grass is literally greener and the water is blue. You beach-schooled on this paradise island for almost a year until you then went back to homeschool in your hometown of Batangas City. Those together-moments on your road-trips to the South of Luzon, Viajes Del Sol. And yet, you kept going back to the island of Mindoro because you wanted your children to learn how to be awed and to keep repeating it because joy comes in the repetition of things! And a lot of times in togetherness, you hit a lull, just when your kids would spend hours with their swimming coach learning how to swim. You sat by the hotel pool as you drank your juice you thought that waiting on your children finish their swimming routines sometimes felt like it's dumbing you down. You went to university with a college degree but there you were, nannying your own kids! Isn't that a task for unemployed stay-at-home moms? These voices inside your head.
You would not allow self-pity to stick for long because you easily learned the art of encouraging yourself in the Lord and found comfort in His promises from scriptures.
"You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You—in both inclination and character], Because he trusts and takes refuge in You [with hope and confident expectation]." Isaiah 26:3 (Amp)
With all the complexities and the drama that surround motherhood, you realized later on that being a full-time, hands-on mom is a privilege. Who else would you volunteer to make an indelible imprint into their hearts but you? And while you are in this season, you ought to be intentional in making every moment count with them. Because this is the best time to sow good seeds into their hearts. That is why you do not delegate motherhood. What a privilege! While the kids are young, you be their awesome, present mom. Because life as a whole has fleeting seasons. They change constantly, they do not stay here for long.
In togetherness, homeschooling became your way of life as you normalized traveling with your kids, a big part of which was required by the nature of your husband's job in the oil and gas industry. In togetherness, traveling helped to stimulate growth and adaptability among them. They learned to identify the essentials and what to pack for short and long trips abroad; being mindful of their food and water consumption. They learned the value of planning ahead to manage their expectations. Thus, it cultivated a certain sense of structure and discipline at their young age. Indeed, travel matures people, young and old, allowing them to adapt to different settings and conditions.
You never ever stayed in one place for a long time to connect permanently with others from outside of your immediate family circle. And as they were growing up to the teen years, heated but healthy arguments around the family table seemed to be normalized just as well. You each learned how to respect and value one another's opinion. Therefore, you were drawn together as a tribe, finding comfort and security in the presence of one another. The bond that you formed was deep and meaningful in such an organic way.
Part 1 The Season of Togetherness
We could ride our bikes, then
Read a book or two,
Draw a pretty picture,
Color it with blue,
Walk the dog or just sit quietly with you
You can choose whatever you want to do.
When we are together,
I don't care what we do.
TOGETHER
(Alfred's Premier Piano Course)
