Part 3 of 3 - "Our Hearts Are Restless, Until They Find Rest In You" "...As Jesus was on His way, the crowds almost crushed Him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind Him and touched the edge of His cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped. “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.
When they all denied it, Peter said,
“Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”
But Jesus said, “Someone touched Me; I know that power has gone out from Me.”
Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at His feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched Him and how she had been instantly healed. Then He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”
Luke 8:43-48 (NIV)
It has been a week since I fell terribly ill. Let me quickly quantify it by saying that, No.1 - I am not dying (Thank God for this!); No. 2 - I am not in the hospital ( thank God for this!); No. 3 - I have been teaching my kids, and I think I can say that despite my sickness, our homeschool days had not been disrupted, ( grace for the homeschoolers, Glory-Hallelujah!). But I had been terribly ill and I had to cancel all my previous commitments for the week as I gave the body, weak, its down-time to just lie in bed, on the couch to recover and rest. "God, I need Your healing touch. Right now. Now."
When Illness Gets Married To Frustration
And I missed that special afternoon I was meant to meet with my friends, sisters in the faith whom I have not seen in a while. Tsk...that could have been one crazy, hilarious afternoon as we crack jokes, the real-life jokes, the ones starring "ourselves."
And my sister-in-law love - I and the kids were suppose to visit her at her house for the Chinese New Year, a non-working holiday on the entire Philippine archipelago. No Chinese blood but it's a family thing for my in-laws loves to cook up something special on this day just so that we have a valid reason to gather about the family dining table to celebrate good-cooking-eating, spending time together. Tsk...that could have been an afternoon of fun playtime with the cousin-boys and cousin-girls, riot in the house.
Then I failed to show up on our high school alumni homecoming where I made plans of attending weeks before. Now, I am not big on reunions, but the commitment I made to attend this event meant so much to me. Tsk...that could have been a weekend filled with laughter as we exchanged precious memories with friends and classmates in high school and just catching up, our lives fleeting. Fleeting. And most of us have chosen to remain young... at heart.
But situations like this would mean easy marriage between "terribly ill" and "terribly frustrated" - the two become one. F. R. U. S. T. R. A. T. I. O. N. S. about unmet expectations creeping in, painting a picture of horrific defeat; not being able to go about the routine, attending to commitments, to deliver results, to compete, to win, not being able to perform, to catch up with, to meet the "quota" for the week. Losing. and I can enumerate a dozen more reasons why getting sick these days wreak havoc to one's daily grind, thus the frustration of not being in CONTROL of my own perfect little world. I am not in control. Sigh. Therefore my soul, be reminded, you are not the BOSS. Hands down.
A Few Insightful What If' s...
What if the body, the shell, the machine is simply needing a long overdue rebooting?
What if it is Jehovah God who wanted me to take a mandatory Sabbath? Shutdown?
What if home confinement for the last week or so is the perfect place for such an anonymous sick woman? To recover? To self-heal? Perfect to be here? God-ordained?
What if this moment, the now-moment is the best gift I badly ever needed, of not doing, not being?
Take the gift, my soul, take the gift, and let go of your clenched fist.
Back To The Scene On The Narrow STREET
So, back to the narrow street where I started anonymously, struggling to get close to my Jesus. The noise, the furor of things mundane. Distractions...I needed healing, I needed the Healer. And something has to pave the way for an opportunity to meet with Him. Oh, but there are a thousand other people , a thousand other things, excuses, not to MEET Him, or will He just pass me by. "Dear Lord Jesus... if I could just touch the hem of Your garment then I shall be healed, " was all I could say? I lay all my defenses down. Just to touch the hem of His garment. Desperate as I am. I need my Saviour. Today is the day. I wrestle through the mob running, chasing after Him, defying mockery among the crowd for there is no place for such an unclean woman who has "issues", I pushed and elbowed and inched my way until I got very-very close to my King. Just a little bit more, forward my soul, keep moving forward, I pushed with my last ounce of strength this day... and finally... touched the hem, garment of my Savior - King.
And the issue of blood stopped immediately along with all the other issues dangling around my neck;
the frustrations, the nagging, the bragging, the fist-clinching, that unexplainable feeling of discontent just subsided as Jesus turned and spoke His words. Hear His voice resounding in the crowd, music to my ears but kindling the fire to the bone. “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”
So, this is how I would deal with a frustrated soul...for now...